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An element that often worries parents who adopt a lot is bonding, that is, establishing a firm and secure relationship with the child in which he sincerely trusts you, that you will always be there and that you will never leave it.
One of the most determining factors when establishing this link is the child's age since a baby is not the same as an older child who has a conscious memory of the breakdown of other links and / or other relationships that were supposed to be safe. .
When the child we adopt is a baby, the first step it may be easier because the care and attention that he needs makes the child bond with you more quickly and thinks that he cannot speak to ask for things or express himself, but that It does not mean that I will not have a process in which to assimilate that break and new bond.
What is that moment? Well, there will be several: when other children are born, when father's or mother's day is celebrated, when I have to make a family tree in class or in adolescence. That moment of crisis in which all children face bodily and hormonal changes and begin to look for themselves to define themselves. It is the moment when your personality is shaped and when the adopted child begins to wonder who he looks likeWhat are his traits, and above all, where are his origins, why did they abandon him and all that frustration is going to transform into tension in your relationship and that is when you must behave like that pillar that contains him in all that maelstrom.
When the child who is adopted is no longer a baby, he is aware of the process, he knows that he is going to have a new family and he knows that his biological parents cannot take care of him correctly. You may have been a conscious victim of negligent care or humiliation and may have gone through foster care centers or families, which translates into a long series of losses and new adaptations, which makes the child insecure and fearful of being left alone again.
When an adoption occurs, the first moments are usually perfect: the child needs you to love him and he will behave like the ideal child but in a forced way. The moment he begins to really feel like part of the family, it will be when you begin to see behaviors that are not as ideal as you would like: he will disobey, he will put you to the test, he will provoke you in front of family and friends, ...
All this, which is easy to get you out of your boxes and make you despair, means that the bond is being created correctly because the child is relaxing and is going to allow you to enter that plot that he jealously guards. It is an exercise in patience, tenacity, and calm; very calm. You must handle the whole process very calmly, be serene and not get into provocations.
You can read more articles similar to How to bond with your children in an adoption, in the On-site Adoption category.